Why this blog is not for me anymore

Simple:

I am not my former self.

The reflections in these blogs no longer portray the girl that I have shed, the woman I have become, and the person I long to be.

I have survived grief, death, loneliness, moments doubting my own sanity, and also a close attempt at suicide. (Alhamdulillah I'm still alive)

Stylistically, my writings have changed too, for I am no longer the same ingenue poetess that I was growing up.  In my younger adolescent years, I was much more influenced by 'Classic' White-middle-class-heterocentric poets of English and French Romanticism. (not that I don't read them anymore, and I am not in anyway criticizing their writing styles)

In the last couple of years, in my attempt at navigating through spaces which I am barred from due to my race and gender, I am increasingly drawn to narratives by People of Colour who bleed ink to resist the Eurocentric - White Supremacist status quo. I find myself reading more and more of Suheir Hammad, Saul Williams, Warsan Shire, Nizar Qabbani, Mahmoud Darwish and Sonia Sanchez. Audre Lorde's poems and journals have pretty much become my bible these days.

I am more violent, visceral and I am not afraid to flaunt my passions now.

And I don't shy away from sexuality or eroticism anymore, another side of me that I have always ignored - I embrace it.  I am a Woman of Colour, I am Brown and proud, I have learned how to slowly hone the dirt hurled upon my skin into gold armour.  I have never shied away from talking about sex, and discussing the power of female sexuality is central to my stylistic maturation, and also my personal growth as a cisgendered hetereosexual Woman of Colour, who identifies as Muslim.

There is no 'dichotomy' here. Muslim women are not sexless, nor should we ever be hypersexualized. We have bodies and desires, we have our own ways of connecting with our Creator. We don't need 'guidance' from hypocritical misogynists in our own community. We are capable of finding spiritual meaning in our lives should we choose to do so.   To foreigners, back off your pretentious neocolonial White saviour mentality of giving 'voice' to us. Do not effing steal our agency.

Two years ago I wouldn't know half of these terms I've used above.

So yeah, Blogger is not the right platform for me anymore to discuss the multifaceted intersectionality between politics, oppression, gender, spirituality and art.

Light and love, yours truly.