I have been purposely 'overdosing' myself in the past few nights.

I don't care what the consequences are at this point, I just want to sleep at night without crying and killing myself a little inside.

Oh Lord, you've taken away four people that I love in the last two years without me having the chance to say goodbye.

Don't take my mother away from me too. Let her survive this calamity safe and sound.

Even if it means taking my life in return I would gladly welcome it. Just keep her alive.

did you hear about the depressive belle de jour?

she tried searching for medications in the cupboard

until she realized they never existed

like the apparitions she sees in the stained mirror on her four walls

all mirages, all hallucinations

like the boogeyman she used to fear as a little girl


well guess what she's all grown up now and

there's a bigger skeleton in her closet

i'll tell you a secret: that's where she keeps her demons

when her fist-sized heart ran out of space for broken bones

to make room for anhedonia and a ménage à trois

with Grief and Apathy


months later she still wakes up with her limbs

almost sticking out of her skin

haphazardly lying on a pile of sweat-stained linens

after a prolonged foreplay with her lovers and the only 

petite mort she achieves is insomnia


but the smell of a third paramour she hasn't met

now clings to her body

she wears his scent like an intoxicating perfume

unaware of its effects on herself because this

new opium has something to offer that 

others don't: the sweet promise of closure


she still doesn't know that his name is Death

unwritten

i traced the faint blue veins
branching out beneath the
films of your pallid wrists,
a lifeline indistinguishable from
my own happiness,
wondering if you somehow
trapped my smile, my laughter
the heaves of my chests
as i exhale life that is so wildly
entangled with yours
within those veins,
in the same way i bottle your
sadness in tightly sealed canisters
and toss them into the ocean
while my lips utter a silent but
fervent litany of prayers for
the currents to chase your
demons away from the shore

instead
i found the answer
in your lifeless eyes
when i could no longer
see myself reflected in them
a denouement
i should have seen
when the scars on your wrists
foreshadowed a premature end
for a love story that
never had a prologue
to begin with